Summer
by Halibel Lecter
Summary: Nel is sent to stay at Las Noches for the summer... and may God have mercy on the Espada's souls. Pure crack. No plot. Oh well.


_Rrrrring! Rrrrring! Rrrrring! _Gin picked up the telephone.

"New Jersey glass doctors, we fix your panes! …What? You need us to…wait, who? The _third_? But the third is Barragan, and he's…oh. Oh _my._ Are you sure? Yes, I understand that the Soul Society is no place for…no, of course not. I'm sure if you looked, though…no, a human care center would most definitely be a bad idea.

"I've heard that Cirucci is good with kids—well, no, she's not exactly…how should I know if Mosqueda still has that bull terrier? I _don't_ know, okay, fine, send her over. When did you say—okay, right. I'll see you." He hung up and proceeded into the main lounge, where most everyone was gathered around the TV. "Bad news, y'all. Remember Nelliel?"

Fifteen sets of eyes turned toward him abruptly and locked. Gin began to sweat. "Uh, well, she's…she's coming to stay with us for the summer while Pesche and them run some errands in Seireitei…um…" he rubbed at the back of his neck nervously. "Y'all are okay with that, right?"

Stark and Nnoitra stared at each other for a second in horror, turned to Gin and simultaneously drawled, "You _gotta_ be kiddin'." Grimmjow began cussing a blue streak. Halibel choked on her tea, and Apache, who had come to find Halibel, twitched in a way that was all but natural. Szayel rubbed his hands together and whispered about various tests he'd like to run while Aaroniero's two heads argued like they were auditioning for Jerry Springer. Apparently, nobody was "okay" with his decision.

"Okay, Gin, enough," Aizen glanced up and pinned his subordinate with a commanding stare. "You've had your fun, now…" the man's face drained of blood as he read Gin's expression: this was absolutely no joke. He sighed.

"Well, as they say, it takes a village to raise a child. Right? How long do we have to get ready?" He felt a small tug on his sleeve and looked down to see Nel, who was smiling as if it was the greatest day on Earth. "Vacation, Aith'en-sama," she chirped. Hiding exasperation, he picked the former Espada up and held her at eye level. This was going to be a looong summer.

Nel wandered over to Nnoitra, climbing up to sit in the Espada's lap and promptly falling asleep against his chest. A furious, terrified, slightly nauseated look crossed Nnoitra's face as she curled up further, nuzzling into his robes and murmuring incoherently.

"What the heck, man! What am I supposed to do—she—the _heck_…" fuming, he lifted Nel and placed her none too carefully on Halibel, who tweaked her position a little and went back to the book she was reading. Nnoitra walked slowly and deliberately back to his domain and shut the door, that sound followed by the symphony of several dozen bolts sliding home in near-perfect synch.

Glancing around, Aizen surveyed the reactions of the Arrancar. They were trying not to stare, nervously watching TV or paging through books, most of which were held upside-down. Tesla was jigging his foot nervously, drumming out a fast tempo on the floor as he tried to seem calm.

Gin was nervously shuffling away, trying not to be noticed. It was late and everyone was looking tired, despite the shock that would keep them wide-awake for quite some time. Nel, however…well, she'd have to stay with somebody. He reviewed the list.

Stark: Would probably fall asleep shortly before she asked if it was safe to drink lye. The man was, quite simply, useless if he was not interested in something. And he was definitely not interested in this, having already dozed off. So, not Stark.

Halibel: Female and in possession of three Fraccion, who were also female. Currently sitting cross-legged with Nel in her lap, halfway through _Breaking Dawn_. However, as to having any sort of maternal instinct…Nel jolted awake, took one look at her and started bawling. Halibel, eyes widening, picked her up and set her on Barragan's lap. Right.

Barragan: Now, he was an interesting choice. Currently, he had managed to get Nel to calm down with a puppet show involving his dentures. She sat before him on the arm of the chair-and-a-half, giggling and clapping her hands. Barragan was singing (if you could call it that) a song about having no teeth. Plausible, but his returned stare indicated that Aizen would have to pull rank for that particular favor, something he wasn't fond of trying with Barragan. Not Barragan.

Ulquiorra: Ulquiorra was out exploring, trying to find new Vasto Lordes. Ironically, he had left as soon as he'd heard the phone ringing.

Nnoitra: Well, that one was pretty much a no-go. Assuming he would even leave his room while Nel was still here, the Fifth was very obviously having a hard time not killing her. He wasn't the best choice for childcare, anyway, violent and crude. No.

Grimmjow: "No way in—" the Espada was cut off by Nel jumping on him, small arms wrapping around his neck. "Get'er off me! Get'er off, somebody, before she—ah, whoa, hey—hold on there!" Her weight very quickly toppled Grimmjow from the back of the couch. Unable to tuck his head, the man cracked his skull on the hardwood floor with a resounding yell of pain. _Moving on_…

Zommari: No, just no. Aizen could imagine poor Nel being indoctrinated to preach justice via socialism and spending her quiet days curled up with _The Boondocks_. Sighing, he ruled out yet another choice. There was just no sense in _three_ Tosens running around. So…

Szayel: While it was seemingly a good idea to have their closest thing to a doctor close at hand, Szayel was about as caring toward his "patients" as House. He was the kind of person who would intubate for a case of the sniffles—because he enjoyed intubating. Also disturbing was his eagerness to get his hands on Nel and the outline he'd drawn up of tests he wanted to run. No, not Szayel. Definitely not.

Aaroniero: Again, the Espada was just not cut out for kid-raising. Though Nel, at the moment, was fascinated by his two heads, the higher one was quickly becoming fed-up with her. He could see no good coming from this. So not Aaroniero.

Yammy: Aizen sighed; he wasn't even going to list his reasons for why Yammy was a bad choice. It wasn't worth the energy to connect those synapses, and why waste a whole minute of his life? No, not Yammy. Very definitely not.

So, who was left? He was pondering this when Nel tugged on his sleeve again. "Yes, Nel-chan?" He looked down to see a bleary-eyed young Arrancar staring up at him. "What is it, dear?"

"Lord Aith'en, I'm sleepy," she said, slumping at his feet. "Who do I stay wit'?" He suddenly had an idea.

"Who do you want to stay with, Nel-chan?" he asked, standing up and walking her around the room. "You can stay with anybody you want who is here, okay?" Surely one night wouldn't make a difference. Now, the lights were dimmed and the sports Grimmjow had turned on was muted as most of the Espada had fallen asleep where they sat; after all, today was sparring day for most of them. The room was strangely quiet and still, and Aizen felt stiff and sleepy.

Nel tugged him over to Tesla, who was curled up in the floor. She looked up at Aizen carefully. "Him?"

"Yes, dear. Have a good night." He made sure she was lying down and only semi-conscious before leaving; really, it wasn't a such a big deal to leave the Espada asleep, since they could have slept through Doomsday if tired enough.

Oddly, he thought, stopping to glance at the scene, it seemed strangely warm and comfortable the way the they were all asleep together, like some out-of-whack Norman Rockwell painting. The formidable, deadly Espada, killing machines, the masterpieces of his army, leaned against one another and lay sprawled across the furniture, their guards completely down.

It was almost unnerving, out of character, for boisterous, volatile Grimmjow to be curled protectively around the edges of a blanket, his sides rising and falling in slow rhythm. Across from him, normally cold, convoluted Szayel lay on his side, legs tucked under a frayed afghan displaying the periodic table of elements. The other end of the couch housed Stark, who somehow had ended up with Halibel asleep against his chest, both of them snoring quietly. And he noticed that Barragn's gums flapped when he was alseep. Aizen smiled and turned to go to bed; tomorrow would be interesting.

Ugh... um, this is pure humor. Expect no plot. And if anyone has anything they'd like to see, just say something. I have a couple of cousins, and they're a pretty good source for material, but they're not always around and so, you readers' wishes are my ideas. Go ahead, speak up. Please?


End file.
